MOST men's idea of heaven is lounging on the couch watching the results roll in on Soccer Saturday.
For Brian Kerr it was sheer HELL. For nine soul-searching months it was all he knew.
The former Scotland star was tossed on to soccer's scrapheap when Dundee plunged into administration last October. And try as he might, the midfielder was unable to force his way back into football. There were times during his darkest days when Kerr contemplated jacking it all in.
But he clung to the hope that someone, somewhere, would take a chance on him. And Arbroath gaffer Paul Sheerin finally rescued the 29-year-old from the wilderness on Sunday.
Gayfield might seem a world away from Kerr's days with Newcastle United or his Scotland debut at Tynecastle. But after almost a year out of the game - and sitting on the couch - he's just thrilled to be back.
Kerr confessed: "I had good days and bad days while I was out of the game. "Sometimes you wake up and think, 'this is going to be my week, something is going to happen for me.' "Other times you wake up and all you're doing is grinding it out.
"I'd been out of football for months and the longer it went the harder it got. There were times when I seriously thought about packing it all in. "The depression kicked in every weekend when you watch Soccer Saturday and the scores start rolling in.
"I thought about joining my father-in-law and doing something in the property game. "But I believe I've still got plenty to offer in football and that's why I refused to give in.
"Some people might be thinking Arbroath is a backward step but I don't agree. "I can't wait to work for an ambitious young manager like Paul - who did ever so well to lead them to promotion last season.
"Hopefully we can get to the play-offs this season and maybe get up again which would be great and justify my move here.
"I just want to play regular first-team football again after being out of the game for a while because of what happened at Dundee. It was a terrible experience.
"Arbroath is a club on the up and hopefully I'll have an important role to play in the year ahead.
"We've got a lot of good young players and if I can aid their development in any way I'll be delighted."
Young dad Kerr admits he was worried about supporting his family and paying the bills before the Red Lichties came in for him.
Now he's set for a Division Two promotion push and is also ready to start studying for coaching badges.
He added: "I started out at Newcastle, loved my time at Motherwell and Hibs and I've been capped for my country.
"Sometimes I wondered why it was so hard for me to get back in the game. "But I realised I can't afford to have that attitude.
"I'm not a Billy big-time and I was not holding clubs to ransom. The offers just weren't flying about until Arbroath came in. "There are so many players in the same boat. I just wanted a chance somewhere to prove to everyone I can still play at a high level."
Kerr and wife Leeann have a ten-month-old baby son, Rhys, to support. And the midfielde r admits he would have tried anything to get back into the game and back earning an honest crust.
He added: "When Dundee went into administration that was it for me, I lost my job. That was October last year. "People kept saying something would come up or that something would happen for me but it didn't for a while.
"I've a young family and your pride takes a hammering when you're not the main breadwinner any more. "Like everyone else I have bills to pay and you begin to wonder where the next wage is coming from."